3 MOVIES THAT I’M TOO SCARED TO EVER WATCH

I love horror movies, but they don’t actually scare me. Okay, the original Amityville Horror & Jaws scared me when I first saw them, but I was little kid, so that doesn’t count.

But, generally speaking, the supernatural doesn’t scare me. What frightens me is REALITY. I have a somewhat morbid imagination, & a naturally pessimistic view of life. I’m Mr. Worst-Case-Scenario. So it’s the stuff that could possibly happen to me that I’m worried about. I can watch films about canniblistic zombies, vampires, werewolves, masked axe-murders, & dream demons all day. But give me a horrible situation, and I’m done.

There are some movies that I refuse to ever watch, just because I don’t even want to imagine being in that situation. To give you (yes, YOU) an idea of what I’m talking about, here’s 3 of them:

From Wikipedia: The film follows a group of women who embark on a caving expedition and become trapped underground. When a group of creatures begin attacking the women, they struggle to survive and escape the cave.

With that description, you can stop @ “trapped underground.” You don’t even need to mention anything about a group of “creatures.” I’m already freaked out.
I’ve written before about how I’m slightly claustrophobic. A couple of weeks ago I went to a local mall, and it turned out it’s undergoing construction, so most of the parking lots were blocked off, & I ended up having to take an elevator to get in and out. It was just 2 floors, but I have to say that in those 40 seconds that it took for the elevator to go up & down, my mind must of imagined a dozen different ways in which I could end up trapped in that elevator (Earthquake? Massive power blackout? Fire?), & die of suffocation. I mean, I didn’t panic or anything, but I felt really uncomfortable.

So I just cannot watch a movie that involves people being trapped underground.

From Wikipedia: An epidemic causes most of the people in an unnamed city to go blind, resulting in the collapse of society. The film follows several people as they try to survive in a makeshift self-governed prison set up by the government as a quarantine area.

I am absolutely terrified of going blind. I don’t know how I would survive. I don’t even like being around blind people. I’m sorry, it just creeps me out. I sometimes wear glasses, that I don’t really need, when reading or @ the computer, just to be on the safe side, and protect my eyesight. So, even though I love Julianne Moore, I passed on this film.

From Wikipedia: Joe Bonham (Bottoms), a young American soldier hit by a artillery shell on the last day of World War I, lies in a hospital bed. He is a quadruple amputee who has also lost his eyes, ears, mouth and nose. He remains conscious and able to reason, however, rendering him a prisoner in his own body.

Need I say more? Really? Can you imagine any existence worse than that?

I first heard of this film years ago, when I heard the song, “ONE,” by the rock band Metallica. Loved the song, but didn’t really know what it was about, until a friend told me of this movie, which is based on a book. Then the lyrics made sense. It’s written from the viewpoint of the lead character.

I cant remember anything
Cant tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible silence stops me

Now that the war is through with me
I’m waking up I cannot see
That there is not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god,wake me

Back in the womb its much too real
In pumps life that I must feel
But cant look forward to reveal
Look to the time when Ill live

Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty
Tied to machines that make me be
Cut this life off from me

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god,wake me
Now the world is gone I’m just one
Oh god, help me, hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God help me

Darkness imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell

Landmine has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell

There are two videos for this song. One just has the band performing the song in an empty auditorium, the other has the performance, but it’s intercut with scenes from the movie. I feel sick even watching the 2nd version of that music video, so there’s no way I could ever watch the actual movie.

And those are just some examples of what I consider to be SCARY MOVIES.

THE CRUMBLING U.S. ECONOMY: PUTTING IT INTO PERSPECTIVE

Y’know, sometimes life is all about putting things into perspective. I’m reminded of a scene in one of my favorite books, The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, by Douglas Adams. In this book, Arthur Dent has been rescued from Earth, by his friend who turns out to be an alien, just before the planet is destroyed.

There’s one point early on where Arthur is trying to come to terms with the fact that Earth is gone. He can’t quite grasp it when he thinks of the whole planet. So he tries to think of England (where he’s from). Doesn’t work. Then I think he thinks America, or New York. Doesn’t work. So finally he thinks of something small, I forget exactly, but I think it’s a local park, or a pub. And when he realizes THAT is gone, now it hits him, and he feels sad. He can finally comprehend the magnitude of the situation when he puts it into personal terms.

Well, that’s what’s just hit me with the U.S. economy. Yeah, I knew things were bad. There’s all of this talk of the Stimulus plan, but I just avoid it, because I don’t understand how this stuff works. I’ve got some friends who’ve blogged about it, and seen it discussed on some message boards, but it breaks down into partisan lines. All the liberals think it’s necessary and will make things better, while all the conservatives think it’s horrible and will make things worse. I can’t trust anyone to be Fair and Balanced in their opinion, and I’m no economic expert, so all I can do is sit back & wait & see what happens.

But I read the news, and I’ve been seeing all the reports of massive layoffs, companies going out of business, home forclosures, industry bailouts, stock market dropping, etc. But I’ve been lucky, so far. Had a few hits. For the first time in 8 years my company couldn’t give out X-Mas bonuses. That sucked, because it really would have come in handy. But I’ve still got a steady job, so it didn’t put me in the poorhouse.

Did my taxes last month, got my Federal refund, but my State refund has been delayed, supposedly until sometime next month, because of the California budget crisis. It’s only $243, but it sucks because that’s MY money. But it’s not like I’m starving, in the meantime. So I’m better off than a lot of folks.

But now something much worse as happened. My favorite radio station was a local station, 97.1 fm, which was a talk radio station. It was literally the only radio station I listened to, and had it always tuned to that in my caer. I’d listen to Adam Carolla (who replaced Howard Stern 3 years ago) in the morning on my way to work, and Tom Leykis in the evening on the way home. And if I went out during my first break, or lunch, I’d listen to Frosty, Heidi, & Frank.

But Thursday morning I tuned in and Adam revealed that all of the shows were cancelled, because the station was switching to Top 40 music. Apparently, even though the ratings were good overall, the station needed to save money, and it’s cheaper to play music than pay for talk shows. Just like that. That’s it. They all did their last shows and the station switched Friday @ 5pm.

This sucks! I have nothing to listen to in my car anymore! My drives to work & back Mon-Fri will be silent. I don’t like listening to music on the radio, I don’t need to hear the same songs twice an hour, & all of the other talk stations are political and, Left or Right, they all bore me.

I can’t believe this. I mean, just Wednesday night, Tom Leykis was bragging about how good his rating were, then the next day they’re shutting down. And the other hosts all said the same thing. Ratings were good and, in fact, they’re all still going to be getting paid for the remainder of their contracts but, apparently, it still works out to being cheaper for the station for them to play music instead. The economy must be really bad for CBS to take such a drastic step.

So now that my daily routine has been adversely affected, & I can personalize the situation, it’s really sunk in for me. WE’RE IN TROUBLE!

A RAPPER, A HOMOSEXUAL, & A SERIAL KILLER

Sounds like the set-up to a joke, doesn’t it? “A rapper, a homosexual, & a serial killer walk into a bar…”

But, no, it’s just some brief spoiler-ific reviews of 3 movies I’ve recently seen.

Much like the Late Tupac, with whom he is forever linked, I wasn’t particularly a fan of Notorious B.I.G. when he was alive, though I liked a few songs that I’d heard. After his death, I bought his 2nd album, and liked many of the songs. Though I still don’t think he was as good as some rap critics claim. Certainly, the label “The Greatest Rapper of All Time” is absurd. I wouldn’t even put him in the Top 10. He was good, but he only released two albums. For all we know, if he’d lived, he may eventually flamed out either critically (like 50 Cent) or commercially (like DMX) & be thought of as a has-been by now (like far too many rappers to name).

Nevertheless, I was interested in seeing this movie. And found it enjoyable, just from the viewpoint of learning more about him. However, what we learn about him isn’t all good. He doesn’t come off as particularly sympathetic. In one of his first rap songs he talks about selling drugs so he could feed his daughter. However, in this film he was selling drugs, while still in school before he even had a child. And his motivation was simply because he wanted to buy nice clothes, like the older drug dealers in his neighborhood. And, even after going to jail, we never actually see him express any regret for his actions. He only stops doing it when he gets a record deal.

His treatment of women isn’t much better. He stops seeing his baby mama with no explaination. He begins a sexual relationship with the woman who later becomes known as rapper Lil Kim. Then abrutly drops her after he marries singer Faith Evens a week after they met. Then he gets caught cheating on his wife with some random groupie soon after that.

The movie does @ least go out of it’s way to protray him as completely innocent in the East Coast/West Coast rap fued that was instigated by Death Row Records, and in the first shooting of Tupac, which Tupac blamed him for.

The always incredible Angela Basset stands out for her portrayal of B.I.G.’s mother. If you’re a hip-hop fan I’d recommend seeing this film, when it comes on cable. If not, don’t bother.

Harvey Milk. One of the first, if not the first, openly-gay elected officials in America. Murdered after serving 11 months as a San Francisco County Supervisor. Sean Penn was excellent in this role. The man has come a long way since he played a stoner surfer in Fast Times @ Ridgmont Hight. Josh Brolin was also great as the murderer.

But what really struck me after watching this film was thinking about how relatively little things have changed in the 30 years since Milk was killed. Yes, homosexuals are much more visible & accepted in society now, but an anti-gay marriage proposition passed (barely, but still passed) in California a few months ago, just like similar bills have passed in other States. A few days after the bill passed, I got into a ridiculous flame-war on a message board with some old man who argued that the government shouldn’t “promote the gay lifestyle” by endorsing gay marriage, because then more children will grow up and “choose” to be gay, and then most of them will die of AIDS.

I mean, really, 40 years after the so-called sexual revolution of the 1960’s, and there are still people in this country who believe that it’s okay to discriminate against gays, because if the gays don’t want to be discriminated, then they should simply just, y’know, STOP BEING GAY, and everything will be fine.

Sorry, but I just don’t get the anti-gay sentiment. I really couldn’t care less. It’s stupid. Grow up, people. They’re here, they’re queer, get used to it.

Contrary to what you may have heard, this is actually not a remake of the first “Friday The 13th” movie. It’s a new first sequel to the first “Friday The 13th” movie. Or, to put it another way, it’s a remake of “Friday The 13th part 2 & 3.”

That’s was an interesting choice to make, on the part of the film-makers. As all true horror fans know, Jason Voorhees was not the killer in the first film, his mother was. And Jason didn’t get his iconic hockey mask until the middle of the 3rd film. And that’s the Jason that everyone expects to see in these films today, so this film figured out a way to just get to it, without too much backstory.

So far, most of the dedicated FT13 fans that I’ve spoken to who have seen this liked it, with a few notable exceptions. While I respect everyone’s opinions, I can’t help but think that most of the criticisms that I’ve heard about it are just nitpicking. One reviewer complained about some of Jason’s actions, wondering how he could see well enough to shoot a bow & arrow with his deformed eyes. I guess I can kinda understand that, since this Jason was just a crazy retarded man, not the walking zombie of the later film. In that case it was easier to accept his abilities, like his knack for always being able to find someone who was hiding, because he was a supernatural being.

Another reviewer complained that most of the kids were so unlikable, that you ended up rooting for them to be killed, which made Jason the “hero,” of the film. That completely missed the point, in my opinion. OF COURSE we watch these movies because we want to see Jason kill everyone! That’s the fun part.

Truthfully, I have my nitpicks, too. I didn’t like the Token Black Guy or the Token Asian Guy. And I like gratutius female nudity as much as the next man, but I thought the topless water-skiing was unneccessary. @ the least in the 2 sex scenes the boobies made sense (especially loved the boobies in the 2nd scene).

It’s also interesting to note how the changing technology & times affects some of the standard horror-film conventions. Like the electricty going out & the phone not working. That happens in this film, too. But, these days, everyone has a cellphone. Well, just by coincidence, for some reason no one’s cellphone can get a signal out in the woods. I guess none of them have the Verizon Wireless plan.

Also, there’s a gun in the house, which one kid grabs. We never see guns being used in these films, everyone’s always fighting back with various tools or knives & whatnot. Of course, the kid ends up dropping & losing the gun before he gets a chance to use it against Jason, which is also awfully convienient.

Jason’s final “jump” @ the end was also too cliche. It didn’t work, because we expected it. Of course, we want to be left open for a sequel, but they could’ve done that better. But the bottom line is, I enjoyed it. After to paying (for 3 people) to see it in the theater, I’ve watched it again online. And will probably watch it again. I hope they make another couple of decent sequels, and then give the series a real decent proper ending.